whatever

I am confused right now. Both happy and sad thing happened to me this weekend. I went for a night out with my bestie and we had such a good time, then in the morning I realized that I lost my wallet. in my wallet there is my life,insurance card, credit card, cash card,and student ID...and photo of my best friend.Also my wallet is the most important thing in the world and it has its own memories,,,my wallet was given by my boy friend as our very first christmas present. I just feel how dumb I am and all I could do was apologize to my bf over and over again feeling totally depressed. that night I had really a great time, but it turned a bad memory because of it. I went to the police and wrote some documents about losing things but they won't call me which means my wallet is really gone or not found yet. It's all my fault and I just blame my self and telling myself like fuck me fuck me fuck me...but my wallet won't come back to me.I'm just regretting that I drunk too much and fell asleep on the train.(maybe my wallet was stolen by someone while i was sleeping) also I had no money then and had no way to go home so i called my best friend and made him come to where i was at like 7.00 am. I also feel so sorry about him. even though he is my best friend ever but the thing I did is not good and he might felt shit about me. but it's all my fault so it's just natural he thinks about me that way. oh shit i am so sorry...i'm a goddamnmotherfuckingretard SO,I humbly reconsidered my conduct and decided not to do such a terrible thing NEVER AGAIN. but how much I reconsider about myself and all the things I did,my wallet won't come back so I'm still just confusing. I spent both saturday and sunday in my bed without eating and drinking and even taking showers because of it. but it's getting better now tho. I have to get over it because it's all my fault, I caused that happening. no one will feel sorry about me. i think it's waste of my time to write such things on my blog but I want to calm down so... argh. besides, the saddest thing is now happening to me but i won't write it down...I don't want to..